Have you ever seen a professional sport interrupted to silence a fart machine?

1194850706.jpg.0 - Have you ever seen a professional sport interrupted to silence a fart machine?Xinhua/ via Getty Images

Sound on please for this “snooker competition interrupted by whoopee cushion” story.

Snooker is a game that requires incredible precision and intense concentration. It is, therefore, massively improved by fart noises:

“I think it could be someone with a whoopee cushion. Not very funny at all,” claimed the commentator, which only goes to show that English commentators are fundamentally committed to draining the fun out of whatever they’re talking about as quickly as possible. Interrupting a snooker game with a whoopee cushion* is very funny.

*This probably wasn’t actually a whoopee cushion so much as a machine that makes fart noises independently of anyone sitting on it, but I like typing ‘whoopee cushion,’ so let’s roll with that.

But could it get funnier? Almost certainly. While the whoopee cushion prank wouldn’t work in most sports — the only feasible way one could pull it off in a team sport is during an Arsenal men’s home game — there are some feasible options on the table. Chess would work nicely, for instance: Endgames are dangerously dull, and would be enlivened significantly if punctuated by flatulence.

We could improve, however, even on gassy chess. I present for y’all’s extended consideration: Darts Farts.

My work here is done.

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