The Vikings really ‘pounded the beef’ and 12 other helpful football euphemisms

Screen Shot 2019 10 21 at 1.58.23 PM.0 - The Vikings really ‘pounded the beef’ and 12 other helpful football euphemisms

Never stop pounding the beef.

The Vikings are the NFL leaders in beef pounding. We know this because they told us so.

This is all I want from NFL team accounts. Tell me how effectively you pounded the beef and I will click the link to your team page based on the efficacy of said beef pounding. That said, I need the Vikings to change it up. Give me a little bit of the razzle dazzle — so in that vein here are 12 helpful phrases I’d like to see them use in future tweets.

  • The safeties really squeezed the weasel on Sunday.
  • The defensive line stuffed the turkey big time in our win over the Bears.
  • The running backs seriously greased the otter on Monday Night Football.
  • The kicker utterly absorbed the jellyfish in a divisional rivalry.
  • The offensive line manhandled the bear cub on Thursday.
  • Kirk Cousins caressed the mongoose against the Lions.
  • The defensive ends lunged like an anteater’s tongue into a yellow jacket nest this week.
  • The special teams absolutely blocked the whale’s blowhole against the Packers and left them gasping for air.
  • The cornerbacks glazed the ham while it was still hot.
  • The outside linebackers rushed the bull calf on Thanksgiving.
  • The nose tackle gently caressed the feral hog in a win.
  • Dalvin Cook really slammed the star-nosed mole in a losing effort in the playoffs.

These are things I want to see every single week from the Vikings and I believe in them enough they can do it.

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